


Abomination

by jediserenity82



Series: Beautiful Darkness [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jediserenity82/pseuds/jediserenity82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Beautiful Darkness. Revan always knew the Star Forge wouldn't be the end. With it and Malak destroyed, she's on the most important, and most dangerous, mission of her life. LSFRevan/Carth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone

_-Carth-_

  
  


_Earlier that night_

 

My conflicting emotions were not allowing me to sleep. Revan's even breathing next to my ear was the only thing keeping me calm.

On the one hand, I felt like the luckiest man in the entire galaxy. The war was finally over. Malak had been defeated by the most extraordinary woman in the universe - the same woman who would soon be Mrs. Carth Onasi, and we would soon be heading back to Telos.

I was more than a little eager to get back to my home planet. Not only to begin my new life with the woman that I loved, but to reunite with my son, Dustil. I had high hopes that we would be able to rebuild all of those years that had been stolen from us. It would be long, hard journey, but it would be worth it.

It seemed like all of the pieces of my life's puzzle was finally falling into place.

But nothing can ever go perfect for me.

I couldn't get rid of this horrible feeling that was plaguing me. I felt it when the Star Forge was destroyed.

But then, my worst fears were realized.

Revan had been talking in her sleep, waking me up in the process. When she started, I feared that it was the beginning of yet another nightmare.

_"I'm so sorry, Carth."_

_"I have to leave."_

_"Please don't do this, Carth. I have to go."_

When I finally managed to wake her and confront her about it, she didn't say a word. She simply gave me a look that chilled me to the core. It wasn't an angry one, but one of pure and utter sadness, mixed with loneliness and fear. Then she closed her eyes again and snuggled closer to me.

I couldn't sleep after that. My mind was working overtime. Was it just a dream? Was she really planning on leave? If she was, why?

I waited until I knew she was asleep before I gently extracted myself from her embrace, careful not to wake her, and went in search for T3. I found him in the cargo hold repairing some of the damage the battle at the Star Forge had caused. He beeped a greeting to me as I walked towards him.

"T3, do you know what's going on with Revan? Has she left any sort of recordings in your database recently that I should know about?" I asked, kneeling in front of the small astromech.

T3-M4 beeped a negative response.

I sighed and leaned against the hull of the ship, relishing in the cool feeling it gave my feverish skin. "I don't know what's going on, T3, but I've seen that expression on her face before. I just have this really strong feeling that what she was saying in her sleep wasn't just a dream.

"I don't know where she's planning on going, but it's dangerous. She's going to leave without telling me. I don't know why, but there's a chance she'll take you. If she does, I need you to watch out for her. She's strong, but she can't face everything alone."

The droid beeped at me curiously. But somehow I got the feeling the damn tin can wasn't telling me anything. Probably Revan's doing.

"Do what you can, T3. If she doesn't make it back, then I need you come back and find help. If not me, then other Jedi, the Republic..."

I felt hot tears sting my eyes. I didn't even know if this was going to happen, but my gut instincts were telling me that it was. "I can't lose her! Even if she wants to be lost..."

 

* * *

 

_-Revan-_

  
  


"Where we headed, woman?"

The sound of Canderous' voice pulled me from my thoughts. We were both seated in the cockpit in our "borrowed" Republic ship in uncomfortable silence for nearly three hours and I had almost forgotten that he was even here. I had other things on my mind. "I'm sorry, Candy. What did you say?"

The older man rolled his eyes, annoyed. "I've been talking to you for the past thirty minutes and you haven't heard a damn thing I've said, have you?" he shot me an irritated sideways glance. "And don't call me Candy."

Sighing, I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared blankly out the window. "Sorry. I guess I'm a little preoccupied."

The Mandalorian shrugged. We sat in more silence for a moment, then Canderous cleared his throat. "You're thinking about what Republic will do when he finds out you're gone, ain't cha?"

I sighed, not really up for having this conversation. "It's going to kill him."

"And that's a bad thing?"

I closed my eyes and tried to force back the sudden urge to reach for my lightsaber. _What the hell was I thinking when I asked Canderous to be my pilot?_ I decided to change the subject. "I think Dantooine would be our best shot. Perhaps I can find a lead in the Jedi Archives. That was the last place I encountered Kreia, at least the last that I can remember."

Canderous punched the coordinates into the computer and turned on autopilot. He turned his chair to face me. "Did you tell him about your son?"

I shook my head. "I couldn't."

"Why not? Don't you think that Republic deserves to know all of the details? I mean, hell, before you his dating record was as deserted as Malachor IV. If it were me, I would want to know how I let a catch like you slip out of my fingers." He paused and looked at my curiously. "If you were planning on leaving, why did you accept his proposal?"

I felt tears sting my eyes and my heart clenched painfully. "To give myself the strength and will to come back alive." I wiped the tears from my eyes as I stood to exit the cockpit. "I'm going to meditate."

I felt numb. I sat in my bed chambers, attempting to meditate and soothe my raging nerves. I missed my friends. I even missed HK. But I missed Carth even more.

We had only been gone for a couple of standard hours, but it already felt like an eternity. I closed my eyes and let out a trembling sigh as I realized the time, and knew Carth would be awakening very soon and would discover my disappearance. The only comforting thought that I had at the moment was that I wouldn't have to see his face.

That thought also terrified me. I wouldn't be able to see his face again for a very long time…

I may never get to see him again.

I had a long, dangerous journey ahead of me, which I had to face alone. Carth wouldn't understand, I knew. I also knew that he would try to find me, but evasion was my speciality. I couldn't allow him, or anyone else know of my whereabouts. It would only lead to their deaths. I wouldn't have that.

Little did Canderous know, as soon as the time was right, I would have to ditch him as well. As much of a jerk as he was, he was my friend, and I wouldn't risk his life either. I just needed an escape route for now.

Suddenly, I could feel a tremble in the Force. Bastila was now aware that I was missing and was attempting to communicate with me. Which meant Carth now knew as well.

I felt my heart completely shatter in my chest.

_"Revan! Where are you? Why did you leave?"_

I didn't answer her. I remained with my eyes closed and tried desperately to get her voice out of my head.

_"Revan! I know you can hear me. Answer me."_

It was then that I had remembered that when Malak had captured Bastila, my bond with her had been shattered. If I could just figure out how -

_"Don't even think about it!"_

I couldn't help smile. If there was anyone who knew me better than Carth and Mission, it was Bastila. Damn her and our "bond." I closed my eyes and concentrated harder. I had to make this work. I couldn't risk being found. I couldn't risk the lives of my friends.

Finally, I could feel the connection begin to dwindle. Bastila's desperate voice was growing farther, and farther away.

_"Rev...please...reconsider..."_

I took a deep breath. The last string of our bond was about to be severed and I had to force myself to do it. "I'm sorry."  


	2. The Datapad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bit of time jumping here!

- _Carth-_

  
  


**The Ebon Hawk**

**-Rakata Prime, Lehon System - _Four hours after disappearance_**

  
  


I sat on the edge of the bed, the datapad gripped tightly in my shaking hands. I knew she was gone before I found it lying on her pillow. I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it or not. I had so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind that I couldn't quite figure out how I was feeling.

I wasn't happy anymore, that was for sure.

How could that blasted woman not tell me that she was planning on leaving? What could possibly be her reasons? I knew the answer to at least one of the questions would be found just by reading the damn datapad. I just couldn't force myself to hit the thing on switch. It wouldn't have been the answer I would have wanted anyway.

The soft tapping on my door yanked me from my thoughts. I didn't want to see anyone right now, but I knew who ever it was behind the door was probably already aware that something was amiss, and would be persistent.

"What?" I barked, not trying to hide my irritation.

The door opened slowly to reveal Bastila's worried face. Her face still held a grayish hue. I wasn't sure if it was due to her brief fall to the dark side, or if it was nausea. Either way, she didn't look well. "I assume you know."

Apparently, I didn't look much better. "Yeah,"

"I just thought you might like to know that Revan hijacked one of the Republic battle cruisers to make her escape. Admiral Dodonna is not too pleased about it." she stated casually as she closed the door behind her.

I looked up at her, but before I could even ask, she raised her hand. "She's already removed any and all means of tracking her location through the ship she stole. Your Admiral isn’t very pleased about that, by the way.” she paused, sighing heavily with regret. “Not only that but I tried to contact her through our bond...she's cut me off."

I felt a lump rise in my throat. There was no telling where she could be by now. It was official, she truly was gone. "She really doesn't want to be found, does she?"

"I'm sure she has her reasons, Carth. She probably thinks she's protecting you." She paused again, taking a shaky breath. "So, what did she say?" she asked, motioning towards the datapad in my hands.

"Dunno. Haven't read it." I tossed the datapad on the bed beside me and rubbed my hands over my face.

Bastila gave me a sympathetic look as she took a seat in a chair across from me. "Just read it. She had her reasons, Carth. I assure you."

I glared at her. I knew she was hiding something from me. "What happened on the Star Forge, Bastila? Something made her leave, and I want to know the truth." I picked up the datapad and tossed it to her. "Whatever she's said in there isn't going to give me that answer. I can assure _you_." I hissed, mocking her.

Bastila closed her eyes, half in exhaustion and in frustration. "I can't give you that answer either, Carth. I’m sorry, I wish I could."

"Why not? Because she asked you not to?"

She hesitated for only a moment before finally answering. "Yes."

I quickly stood up and stalked towards the door, yanking it open. "Then I have nothing more to say to you, Bastila."

Nodding in understanding, the young Jedi rose and slowly walked towards the door. "I know this is very difficult for you, Carth. But your...feelings for Revan are getting in the way of your rational thoughts. You know Revan; she's quick and rash, and more than a little irresponsible. She makes quick decisions without thoroughly thinking things through. But that's who she always was." Bastila forced a smile and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "Her reasons are justified, Carth. And if you love her, like you say you do, you have to trust her. You owe her that much."

I snorted. "She leaves me, and I owe her something?"

Bastila smiled a little. "She's right about you, you know. You are very stubborn. If for no other reason, it may ease you a little." she gestured towards the datapad again. She started to exit the room, but before I could shut the door, she turned around. "Before I go, there was one more thing that I thought you should know."

"Make it fast, Bastila. I'm really not in the mood for -"

"Revan's not the only one missing."

  
  


* * *

 

 

**Republic Vessel**

**\- En Route, Wild Space  -** _**One Week Later** _

  
  


_-Revan-_

  
  


No matter what I did, I just couldn't relax. Sleep definitely wasn't in the cards. Instead, I opted to give Canderous a break so that at least one of us could get some rest.

I glanced down at my handcrafted engagement ring that Carth gave me before I left. I could feel tears to start to sting my eyes. This was the only thing I was going to have to remind myself of him for a long time. Damn, I was going to miss him.

I tried to keep my mind on my new mission, but Carth kept burrowing his way into my head. I hated, and loved the way he was able to do that in equal measure. It was dangerous for me to keep thinking about him; especially since I didn't know exactly what awaited for me during my journey to find Kreia and my long lost son.

 _My son..._ It sounded so weird to put those two words together.

I was a mother, and I didn't even know what my child looked like. I couldn't remember how it felt to hold him in my arms for the first time.

I feared the sort of damage my mother had inflicted upon Kye. I hadn't seen her in many years, and wasn't certain how far she had fallen to the dark side. I only hoped I would be able to save them both.

And that I wouldn't fall in the process.

But what would happen if I wasn't able to save them? Kye was only a child! A child's heart was supposed to be pure and carefree - but I also knew how impressionable children could be just by seeing what had happened to Carth's son, Dustil.

I wouldn't let that happen. Not to _my_ son.

I gazed out the cockpit window into the black abyss. The galaxy was infinite, how the hell was I going to track them down?

"Hey, Captain Sith Lord, we have a problem."

Jumping, I turned to the doorway to see Canderous standing there, leaning against the frame. "I thought you were sleeping?"

The Mandalorian shook his head. "I was headed that way, but decided I should check our inventory to calculate when we should stop for more supplies. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that our numbers have plundered dramatically."

I frowned. "Impossible, rations were well stocked before we left Rakata Prime. We had enough to last us a month at least. I’ve only been having protein bars."

Canderous shrugged. "Beats me. But if you don't believe me, you can check it out for yourself."

My frown deepened. If someone was on the ship, I would have been able to sense it. "Maybe I counted wrong, but there's no one on this ship that I can sense."

But then again, my mind had been so distracted lately I could have missed something. Not only that, but I was a little afraid that if I tuned completely into the Force, Bastila might be able to sense me and attempt to follow us.

Leaving T3 to pilot the ship, I followed Canderous to the cargo hold. I couldn't believe it, but he was right. Several of our food containers had been pried open and carelessly left on the floor.

As scared as I was to be discovered, I closed my eyes and listened, trying to find whatever, or _whoever_ was the cause of our missing food.

There it was. There were not one, but _two_ life forms on the small ship. I couldn't tell who it was, but I knew their location now.

I walked towards the back of the cargo hold to discover a large, hidden compartment. I slowly reached to my side and gripped my lightsaber, ready for anything.

I used the Force to swing the door open and stepped back, my weapon armed and ready. My jaw dropped to the floor when I discovered the occupant. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Mission!”

 

* * *

 

_-Carth-_

**The Ebon Hawk**

_**-Rakata Prime, Lehon System - Four hours after disappearance** _

  
  


My mouth dropped open in disbelief. _"_ Canderous, Mission, and Zaalbar are gone too?You've got to be freaking kidding me!"

Bastila shook her head. "I have a feeling the twi'lek and the wookiee found out about Revan's plans and stowed away on their ship. I wasn't able to connect with Revan long, but I don't believe she was aware of their presence at the time, but she cut me off before I was able to ask. I'm assuming Canderous was invited, however. "

I couldn't believe this! Angrily, I racked my hands through my hair, trying to force myself not to pull it all out. _Why would Revan ask that...that bastard to pilot the ship instead of me? What could that neanderthal do that I couldn't? Why wouldn't she want_ me _to go with her?_

Bastila glanced at me sympathetically again before turning to leave. "I'm sure the answer to that will be found in the datapad, Carth." she paused for a second. "We'll be leaving for Coruscant in about an hour. That should give you plenty of time to read it."

When she was gone, I shut the door and headed back to the bed, picking up the datapad. Taking a deep breath, I switched it on with shaky hands.

_Dear Flyboy,_

_I know you have so many questions you need answers to. I want to apologize in advance that I can't give you too many. I honestly wish I could tell you everything, but that's just not an option right now._

_As I'm sure you figured out, something happened on the Star Forge after I defeated Malak. I can't go into specifics, but before his life left his body, he showed me a vision from my past. This vision is the reason I have to leave you behind._

_I know you must be confused as to why I didn't want you to come with me, and why I chose Canderous to help me. As much as I care about Canderous as a friend, I care about you a million times more. This mission is going to be extremely hard for me, and probably one of the most dangerous that I have ever encountered. And it's for that reason that I can't take you with me. He doesn't know this, but Canderous won't be with me for too long._

_I know you’re angry with me. I know you’re hurt. But please understand that this is something that I have to do alone. There are places that I have to go where the people I love and care about can't follow. And that especially means you. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you, love. I need my full attention to be able to survive this adventure. And I'm afraid that with you here, I wouldn't be able to do so._

_There's something dark out there, Carth. Something that could put the entire galaxy in danger. I'm the only one who has the ability to stop it. This darkness...is something that I created. So I must put a stop to it before it shows itself._

_I know this isn't the best time to ask for a favor, but I need you to do something for me. Another reason I can't have you with me, as much as I want you to be by my side, I need you to keep the Republic strong. Make it grow. The Republic is going to need all the help it can get and you have the power to do so._

_Then there's Dustil. You need to stay behind and make amends with your son. I have faith that the two of you will be able to rekindle the relationship that the two of you are supposed to have. It won't be an easy road, love. There's still a lot of anger and resentment burning in him, but with time and patience, I just know the two of you will make it._

_I don't know when I'll return, but I make a promise to you that I will do my best to make it back to you. I'm not asking you to wait for me, you deserve to be happy, and Carth I wouldn't blame you at all for finding someone else. But I know you - you would wait until the ends of time for the things that you love. And I know that as long as I have your love to guide me, I will find my way home to you._

_Every time I look at the beautiful gift to me, I will think of you. I'm going to miss you so much, Carth, and please remember that I will always love you and you will always be in my heart._

_I have to go now, love. But I swear to you that I will do my best to come back as soon as I'm able. Don't worry about me falling to the dark side again. Just thinking of you will keep me on the right path._

_Yours forever,_

_Revan_

Gripping the datapad tightly in my hands, I shut it down. I didn't bother wiping the tears off my face. As hurt and as angry as I was at her for leaving, I knew she was being sincere. If she swore to me that she would return, then I would do whatever I could to follow through with her wishes.

_I'll wait for you, Beautiful. For as long as it takes._


	3. The Stowaways

**Republic Vessel**

**-En Route, Wild Space - Present Day**

  
  


_-Revan-_

  
  


I stared in disbelief at the small twi'lek as she pulled herself from the small confines of the storage unit. "Mission, what the hell are you going here?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest. As much as I adored the girl, it was all I could do not to put my hands around her scrawny little neck.

"Uh, hey, Rev. How's it going?" Mission laughed nervously, flashing me a lopsided grin. She quickly glanced towards a larger compartment next to her, just as a very uncomfortable looking Zaalbar climbed out and stood next to her. “Fancy meeting you here.”

"Don't 'uh, hey, Rev' me." I mocked her. "What in the  _ hell _ are you doing here? How did you even know about this?"

I heard Canderous snort from behind me. "I guess you have this under control," he stated as he left the room, but not before flashing Mission a knowing grin. "Good luck, kid."

When he was gone, I turned back to the two stowaways. "Well? I'm waiting."

The teenager raised her hands in defense. "Rev, I know you're angry, and you have every reason to be. But before you start removing appendages…can I ask you something?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

Mission cleared her throat, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "Well, we've been hiding in there for several hours now, and I really have to p –"

As angry as I was, I couldn't help but laugh. "Go."

The teenager grinned widely and rushed from the room as quickly as she could. "Thanks!"

I turned to Zaalbar, who had remained quiet up until now. "Did she talk you into sneaking onto the ship?"

The wookiee nodded. [ _ It was her idea, yes. But I agreed because I swore a life-debt to you and I intend on keeping it. As you know, where you go, I must follow.] _

I sighed and ran a tired hand over my face. "Big Z, as much as I appreciate the gesture, I can't allow you two to stay with me. It's too dangerous."

Big Z leaned against the wall paneling and looked me up and down.  _ [Mind if I ask you something?] _

Looking around, I found a wooden crate and hoisted myself up onto it. "Go ahead."

[ _If where you are headed is so dangerous, why are you going alone? We can help you?_ ]

I looked down at the floor, trying to force back tears. I knew I had hurt all of my friends by leaving like this. Why  _ was _ it so important that I had to do it by myself?

_ You know why, _ I reminded myself.  _ You've already ruined so many lives of millions of people that you don't even know. How could I possibly do it to the people that I love?  _ This was certain to happen if anyone followed me.

"No one can help me."

The fight was about righting all of the wrongs I had done in the past.

It was about keeping the entire galaxy safe.

It was about facing my mother one last time.

It was about saving my son.

 

* * *

 

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant - Present Day**

  
  


_-Carth-_

  
  


Before I knew it, we had arrived on Coruscant. Time flies when you're completely miserable. Either this, or lack of sleep really does make your days run together.

Jedi Master Vandar had arranged for us to stay in the Jedi Temple for the time being while we were all being questioned about our journey, leading up to the destruction of the Star Forge and Revan's disappearance. They assured us that it would only take a couple of days and we could be on our way.

I did my best to avoid everyone. I spent most of the time packing my belonging and preparing for my trip back to Telos. I had a lot of preparations I had to make for my arrival.

I had been gone for so long, that I didn't even have a place to stay. The last time I had stepped foot on my home planet was for my wife's funeral. Needless to say, I didn't stick around long afterwards.

Despite everything, I was looking forward to going home. I was eager to begin joining in on the Telos Restoration Project. It would be nice to see my planet become alive again.

_It would be even better to have someone to share it with._

I groaned. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. If I allowed Revan to invade my thoughts every few minutes, I would go mad. It was hard enough having to wake up and not have her lying next to me. Counting down the days that she might return wouldn't help anything, and it certainly wouldn't make me feel any better.

While examining my room, I noticed the large balcony that overlooked the city, complete with a lounging chair. The sun was beginning to set in the distance, casting half of the city in darkness. It was truly breathtaking. I watched as the street lights below began to turn on.

For the first time in months, I finally felt relaxed.

I sat down in the chair next to me and closed my eyes, just listening to the speeders go by, and allowing my mind to wonder.

_"You've been watching me closely as of late. Why is that?" Alora asked, resting her arms on the table and looking me straight in the eye._

_Flustered, I cleared my throat, trying to come up with some eloquent to say, and failing. "You noticed that, huh? Damn you, Polies and your Jedi senses." I smirked at her to indicate I was joking._

_She played along. "Well, if you were any more obvious your eyes would fall out of your head."_

_I couldn't help but blush. "Um, I'm not that bad am I?"_

_She laughed and playfully patted my hand. "Relax, Onasi. I'm teasing you!"_

_My eyes filled with mischief. "Damn it woman, if you don't stop hounding me, I'm going to take you over my knee and teach you a lesson."_

_"Aha! I would love to see you try!"_

_I did my best hide my embarrassment. I couldn't believe it, I was flirting with her, and she was flirting back. As fun as it was, I cleared my throat and changed my tone. "Don't worry, I haven't been ogling you. I've been...admiring you."_

_She grinned, her eyes sparkling with laughter. "It's okay, I don't mind if you watch me."_

_I chuckled nervous. "Why didn't you tell me that sooner? Would've saved me a lot of trouble!" I smiled. "I will say one thing however. We've come a long way with your help. You're skills are amazing. I'm...I'm glad you're here."_

_Alora began to fidget in her seat and fingered her silverware. "Any other observations?"_

_"Yeah, but I hope you don't mind if I keep those to myself."_

Things had been so much easier back then. Before any of us knew she was Revan, the former Dark Lord of the Sith. She had made it so difficult to  _ not _ fall for her. And even after Malak had revealed her identity, I found it impossible to hate her.

The truth was I had already fallen in love with her. And now, Force knew if I would ever see her again.

It was killing me to just sit back and do nothing. I should have been out there with her! What was so damned important that she had to leave in the middle of the night and not tell me? I should be there with her, not Canderous.

But those were her wishes; for me to stay behind and keep the Republic safe, and to make amends with my son. So that was what I was going to do.

" _ I don't know when I'll return, but I make a promise to you that I will do my best to make it back to you. I'm not asking you to wait for me, you deserve to be happy, and Carth I wouldn't blame you at all for finding someone else. But I know you - you would wait until the ends of time for the things that you love. And I know that as long as I have your love to guide me, I will find my way home to you." _

I would wait for her forever, but I couldn't sit around and wonder if she was even still alive after so long.

_I'll give you four years, Revan. If you're not back with me by then, I'm coming after you._

 

* * *

 

**Republic Vessel**

_**-** _ **En Route, Wild Space - Present Day**

  
  


_-Revan-_

  
  


Once Mission had returned from the refresher, I sat her and Zaalbar down in the common room. "Okay, now out with it. I want some answers."

Mission sighed and leaned her elbows on the counter. "The night you left, I couldn't sleep. I just kept having this funny feeling that something bad was about to happen. I grabbed Big Z and for some reason, I was drawn to this ship. Then we heard you and Canderous talking. So we hid here."

I frowned and leaned against the counter. "So you didn’t overhear us talking about leaving before we left the Hawk?"

She shook her head. "No, I didn’t hear you until you were already on the ship."

This struck me as strange. The girl was too smart for her own good, but to know we were leaving without eavesdropping, and to pinpoint the exact ship we were going to take was odd itself. Not to mention that I didn't sense her on the ship, even without the help of the Force.

It was possible Mission had a bit of force sensitivity, and as much as I would have liked to have explored it further, I had more important things to attend to. It was far too dangerous for them to be with me.

"At the first pit stop we make, I'm sending you to Coruscant with the others."

Mission's eyes widened. "No! Revan, please. I want to go with you. Big Z and I can help you do whatever it is that you have to do."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. The decision has been made. Why do you think I didn't take Carth along with me?” I tried to ignore the catch in my throat, the clenching of my heart as I said his name. “If I could, I would have taken every single one of you with me. But I can't risk it."

Mission stood up abruptly, causing her stool to crash against the floor. "You're a coward, Revan."

I frowned. "Excuse me?"

The teen crossed her arms over her chest and stared angrily at me, tears streaming down her face. "You heard me. You're a damned coward. You're too afraid to admit that you can't possibly do everything by yourself and that you might need help. You're afraid to let people get too close, you always have been. That's the real reason you left us behind. But you know what,  _ Revan _ ,” she spat my name out like curse, and it cut me to the core. “I'm not going to allow you to push me away! You can't get rid of me that easily."

With that, Mission ran from the room, leaving Zaalbar and I staring at each other in disbelief.

 


	4. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, everything from this point forward is "fresh." Up until now, everything else had been written back in 2008 (minus tweaks I had made as I was revising the old stuff) when I sort of fell off the face of the world and stopped writing. So for here on in, you may notice a slight difference in writing styles and longer chapters. The next chapter will have us completely caught up.

  
  


_-Revan-_

**Republic Vessel**

**-En Route, Wild Space**

 

I locked myself in the confines of my small sleeping quarters, trying to meditate. I couldn't be around anyone right now – even though I was thankful for the few people who were on this tiny Republic vessel, a Class Eight Vaya Scout that we had affectionately dubbed “The Box” – it still seemed overcrowded.

And nowhere _near_ as warm as the Ebon Hawk.

I allowed myself to contemplate over Mission's words. It irritated me beyond comprehension, the words she had all but screamed at me before childishly running from the room before I could snap back an equally immature rebuff.

But what really aggravated me was _not_ Mission's reaction, not the shouting, nor was it the tears streaming down her angry blue face. It was the words, which I would have normally shrugged off as the teenager not getting her way. It was the words, _"You're a damned coward, Revan!"_ that infuriated me the most.

 _Because the words are true,_ I thought with some chagrin.

Dammit, did I hate to admit that. But she was one hundred percent correct. I _was_ a coward. I didn't want people to get too close. It was dangerous. The world I belonged to was dangerous. _I_ was dangerous.

Even from the beginning – before my real identity as Revan, former Dark Lord of the Sith – had been revealed, I knew I was dangerous. I couldn't allow anyone to get to close. I wasn't sure how, or why, exactly. But I knew.

Most people would have laughed in my face had I made my warning clear, spoken the words aloud. _Absurd,_ they would have said. A ridiculous notion; that someone like me could ever harm anything. Due to my youthful appearance, I was often underestimated. Short for my age – twenty-seven – and barely breaking the five foot marker. _"Beautifully petite,"_ Carth had once told me, during one of our more intimate moments together.

I shook my head. I didn't want to start thinking about _that._ About _him._ Because right now, with the way that I was currently feeling, if I had allowed myself to start thinking down that path, I would turn this ship around this instant. It was when I was feeling like this that I most wanted Carth's arm around me, whispering to me that everything was going to be fine.

As much as I wanted that, I couldn't turn around. I had to keep going. I had to find Kreia and Kye – and I had to do it alone.

I wasn't entirely sure why. Why couldn't I have help? Help from these wonderful people who had survived the Star Forge with me, who believed in me. Who believed that I would not stray from the light path again, and who believed that the darkness inside of me that was once Darth Revan would never resurface.

I would give anything to be able to have them with me. It sure as hell would have made this a lot easier. But the truth was, was that I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know _how_ dangerous this was going to be for me. It was just a feeling.

There would be no danger at all. I could be lucky enough to save my son before Kreia had a real chance to corrupt his mind. There could be a chance that Kye had no force sensitivity at all, no matter who his parents were. Maybe the myth about the True Sith was simply just that – a myth.

However, it was that _feeling_ that told me that my chances of finding my son safe and well taken care of by his loving grandmother were slim to non-existent. I could clearly remember Malak and I being there when Kreia was apprehended by the Jedi Council for falling to the dark side.

What was odd about the entire situation was that Kreia never resisted. Why? She allowed the Council to drag her off to Force knows where and didn't put up a fight. How had she escaped? Or had the Jedi wiped her mind, like they did me, and let her go?

I would have to find what I could about that when we reached Dantooine.

Well…what was left of it.

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


_-Carth-_

 

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant**   
  


I did _not_ want to go to this meeting with the Jedi Council. The very last thing I wanted to do was to discuss the past year. We all deserved a break, dammit! But no, we had to go over every painful memory in excruciating detail. I couldn't help but get the impression that most of this interrogation would mostly be about Revan.

Frowning, I shrugged on my pilot's jacket, or as Revan had nicknamed it, "the orange eyesore" when we had first met. I chuckled to myself as I fastened the front. That nickname had not lasted long, however. Revan had gotten chilly one night while we were on Kashyyyk heading back to the Hawk from the depths of the Shadowlands.

Of course, she had just been Alora Polies, Jedi Padawan, back then.

_"You cold?" I asked, smirking as I watched Alora visibly try to suppress her shivering again. I could only imagine that those Jedi robes of hers were doing much in the way of warmth._

_Alora shook her head. "No wonder the Wookiee's have so damn much hair. Honestly, I didn't think it would be this cold here."I gave her a knowing, cocky smile. "Too bad you don't have a jacket like mine, sister. I'm toasty warm."_

_She glared at me with those amazing eyes of hers, shock running through me that I found it incredibly sexy. "I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing, Flyboy, and if you don't want to be the laughing stock of the entire Republic Officer fashion committee, you'll purchase a new one." she declared through chattering teeth._

_Rolling my eyes, I unfastened the jacket and slipped it off, offering it to her. "Put it on. It's a long walk back to the Hawk and we won't be doing Zaalbar any good if you go and freeze to death."_

_She eyed the offending jacket skeptically. "What about you? Won't you be cold?"_

_I shook my head. "Don't worry about me, Gorgeous." I grinned as I slipped it over her shoulders. "It takes more than a light breeze to bother me."_

_Ignoring my jab, Alora nearly moaned in pleasure at the warmth, the sound piercing me as she slipped her arms through the sleeves. It hung off her body loosely, and I had to bite back my laughter. "Looks...good." I snickered._

_It looked better than good, actually. My mind was suddenly invaded with images of what she would look like wearing my clothes. Or wearing nothing but one of my shirts covering her small body. Or nothing at all, for that matter._

Stop it, Onasi _. I scolded myself._ Be professional.

_Alora grinned, not noticing my sudden discomfort. She pulled the jacket tighter around her. "Okay, I take back every bad thing I've ever said about this jacket. In fact, I may just keep it for myself," she giggled and raced off toward the Ebon Hawk, leaving me grinning after her._

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, causing me to jump slightly. "It's open," I barked. _Not a moment of peace around here._

I looked over to see Jolee enter the room, his face blank, pleasant. I hadn't seen much of the old man since we had arrived on Coruscant. "They're ready for us. Are _you_ ready for this interrogation nonsense?"

I snorted. "The only thing I'm ready for is to go home and drown myself in a couple of bottles of Telosian brandy." I sighed as I fastened my blaster holster around my waist. "Preferably with my woman by my side."

Jolee nodded sympathetically. "How are you holding up?" he asked, leaning against the wall near the door. "I know it's a stupid question, and one you're tired of hearing, I'm sure."

I rolled my eyes and headed towards the door. "Then why bother asking, Old Man? Especially if you already know the answer." I looked down at the floor as we began our journey towards the meeting hall.

"Because I care, dammit. Despite what people may say about me, I'm just not a grouchy hermit. Well, I am, but that's beside the point. I'm not some self absorbed old man. All of you kids grew on me, is it really so hard to believe that I care about what happens to any of you?"

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Jolee. I just--”

The older man placed his hand on my shoulder, silencing me. "No need for apologies, son. Believe me, I know how you feel. It's not an easy task to let go of someone you love. Doesn't matter regardless if it's just a temporary loss or permanent. Hurts all the same."

I nodded and looked over at him. His eyes were distant, in a far away place and time I couldn't go, but understood just the same. He really did know what I was going through. "Did she...did she tell you why?" I asked, already knowing, and dreading, the answer.

Jolee stiffened slightly, but remained silent.

I groaned. "She asked you you not to tell me, didn't she?"

He nodded and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's not my place anyway, Carth. Just don't think too harshly of her. I have no doubt that she’s doing enough of that on her own. She loves you. This was a very difficult decision for her, leaving you behind. It's hurting her just as much as it is you, I can assure you that."

We finally arrived at our destination. The massive floor-to-ceiling doors were still closed, so I turned to him, shoulders hunched. "Was it really so important that she had to drop everything right away? She couldn't have, I don't know, given us a few weeks – hell, a few days – to enjoy our victory together?"

The older man sighed, a sad smile playing on his lips. "That is at least something I can answer with certainty. To her, yes, it's _that_ important."

I felt the knot in my stomach grow. "Is she in danger, Jolee? Will...will she be able to come back to me?"

Finally, he smiled. "Carth, that woman of yours is as stubborn as a bantha and won't let anything stand in her way when she's set her mind on something." He looked at me. "You just have to have faith in her."

I felt myself quirk a smile for the first time since we’d left Rakata Prime, and it surprised me. He was right, Revan was incredibly stubborn, and she was strong. I just had to follow her lead. "She'll be back." I agreed with conviction. "I just hope it doesn't take too long."

Jolee huffed. "You and me, both, sonny."

The door to the council chamber finally opened to reveal a haggard looking Bastila. She looked exhausted. I frowned, concerned. "You alright?"

She nodded and ushered us inside, where Juhani was already waiting with the Jedi Council, and a large group of Republic officials. "Yes. No. I don't know. I spent most of the night trying to reestablish the bond between Revan and I...but it seems my efforts have been in vain." she looked at me. "I'm sorry, Carth. I know this meeting is going to be hard on you."

"It's going to be hard on all of us." I agreed. "Let's just get this over with."

 

* * *

 

  
  


_-Revan-_

**Republic Vessel**

**-En Route, Entering Outer Rim**

 

I took a deep breath as I stood outside of the closed doors of the crew quarters, hand raised to know. But I had been standing here for fifteen minutes and still hadn't been able to force myself into knocking on the blasted door.

Mission had barricaded herself inside about three hours ago and hadn't resurfaced. Not that I blamed her. I had been a jerk for abandoning everyone after the Star Forge. I wasn't only a coward, I was selfish. A real winning combination for a Jedi Knight. I just didn't want to lose any of them. I couldn't survive that kind of pain. I had allowed this ragtag group of misfits to get under my skin and made me love them. It was my own damn fault, really.

But she was right. I needed help.

"I know you're out there, ya know."

I smiled despite myself. "Can I come in?"

There was silence on the other side of the door for moment as she considered. "It's your ship. Do what you want."

I pursed my lips. "Technically, we 'borrowed' this ship from the Republic, so it's not actually mine."

When she didn't answer, I sighed and hit the door panel. It slid open with a loud hiss. Looking around, I found the young twi'lek sitting cross-legged on one of the bed as walked over to join her. "Hey."

Mission glared at me, in that teenager way that let me know that she was less than impressed with me, but remained silent.

"Look," I said softly, sitting next to her. "I'm sorry. You're right about everything you said."

The teen gazed at me dubiously. "Are you just trying to make me feel better or do you really mean that?"

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my fingers over my heart. "I really mean it."

She sighed, relaxing a bit. "You know I don't really think you're a coward, right? I mean, you're the bravest person I know. You took down Malak, for crying out loud. So, I'm sorry for what I said."

"You don't have to apologize, Mish. Everything you said was true."

She frowned, confused. "But you're not afraid of anything."

I snorted. "I think you're giving me way too much credit." I paused, considering my words carefully. "I'm not afraid to fight, and I'm not afraid to fight for those I love," I gave her a pointed look. "and I'm certainly not afraid to fight for the innocent. But when it comes to putting my friends and family in danger, I can't do it, and I won't. That's where I lack bravery."

Mission looked down, her hands wringing the rough bed sheets. "So you're saying that the thought of losing us, putting us in danger, is what scares you?"

I nodded. "Because you, Carth, and everyone else _are_ my family, Mission. If something happened to you or Carth...I don't know what I'd do. It...it would probably destroy me."

"So that's why you chose Canderous as your backup?"

Biting my lip, I thought about that for a moment, choosing my words carefully. "Canderous is family, too, but he's someone who _lives_ for battle. He thrives from it; he doesn't feel complete without it. So he was the more...obvious choice. I couldn't let Carth risk his life for me. Not again." I felt my throat constrict and tears sting my eyes, thinking of the anger and pain he must feel. "He must hate me right now."

Mission's eyes softened as she wrapped her arms around me. "Shh, Rev. Don't cry. He loves you. Sure, he's going to be upset, but I don't think he could possibly hate you. Ever. That man worships the ground you walk on."

I laughed humorlessly, wiping a stray tear off my cheek before returning the teenager's embrace. "I think you may be over exaggerating a bit."

Pulling back slightly, she rolled her eyes. "And _you_ under estimate people. That man will still be waiting for you twenty years from now...given he's still alive by then."

I gaped. "Mission!"

"What? He's old."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Mission, he's not _that_ much older than I am, you know."

She smirked. "Yeah, well, you're old, too."

"Gee, thanks." I snorted.

The young twi'lek shrugged and turned serious once more. "So, can you tell me now what caused you to run off? What was so damned important that you felt you had to just leave?"

I bit my lip again. Could I tell her? Would it put her life in danger? Would she insist on tagging along? So many questions that I couldn't answer. Finally, I sighed. "Malak told me something before he died, something I have to find."

Mission looked disappointed. "You can't tell me what this _something_ is? I thought you trusted me."

"I do. I trust you with my life, you know that." I told her honestly.

"Then why won't you tell me everything?"

I looked at her, truly looked at her. She was still incredibly young but she was perceptive and wise beyond her years. I suspected, now, it was due to her Force sensitivity fueling her natural instincts that she had managed to survive for so long on her own in such a hostile territory like Taris. Thanks to her brother, Griff, skipping out on her, she had missed out on being a normal teenager and forced to grow up too quickly, and I had tried to give that back to her.

But it was too late now. Had she been given the opportunity, the Jedi would have taken her in for training, and she wouldn't have been given a "normal" childhood either way. But life on the street had shaped her to be who she was now, and she wasn't someone who needed to be sheltered anymore.

Resolved, I took a deep breath. "Apparently, during the Mandalorian Wars, Malak and I were lovers."

Mission's brown eyes widened. "I thought you didn't remember anything about being Revan? Did Malak tell you that?"

"I...had my suspicions before hand, but Malak confirmed as much." I couldn't help it, I blushed. I wasn't about to go into details about _how_ or _when_ I had drawn those conclusions, considering the suspicions had come about after my first intimate encounter with Carth. "Remember what happened right after I had defeated Malak? I passed out. He was showing me a vision from my past."

The young girl nodded, looking concerned, but remained silent as she waited for me to continue.

I smiled wryly. "Don't worry, it wasn't anything to make me go all Sithy on you or anything." I sighed. "You know, for the most part I'm grateful to the Jedi Council for what they did to me; they gave me a second chance to...to do things right. I don't want any of Darth Revan's memories...but..." my voice trailed off.

"Rev?" Mission prompted gently. "What did Malak show you?"

I took a long time to answer, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. Finally, I turned my head to look at her. "He showed me that I have a son. His name is Kye. That's why I left, to find him."

She froze, her eyes widening and her mouth slack from shock, and her response was a long time in coming. "Yo...you have a kid? With Malak?"

I nodded. "I don't know much. Just his name, and that he's about five years old." Tears began to streak down my face again. "I don't even know what he looks like."

The sympathy on Mission's face nearly broke me. "You have no idea where he is, do you? Malak wouldn't tell you?"

I wiped my eyes. "That's what I'm trying to find out. All I know is that he's with my former Master."

She looked at me curiously. "You don't sound like that's a good thing."

I shook my head. "It's not. She fell to the dark side when I was still a Padawan. Around your age, I guess, maybe a little younger, and she was exiled from the Order. Of course, I didn't know this at the time, but it turns out she's also my mother."

The silence in the room was deafening. After what seemed like an eternity, Mission finally laughed softly. "Wow, Rev. Your life reads like a bad holovid." she sighed. "I take back everything I said before. You're not a coward. How you've managed to stay strong in spite of everything is pretty incredible, and I would be honored if you would let me help you with this. Please." she paused, her eyes suddenly going wide. "Does Carth know any of this?"

"He knows about Malak and I. Not about Kye." The tears were flowing freely now, and I couldn't stop them. I had been doing this a lot lately. My emotions were on constant overdrive. None of us had gotten a single moment of peace since Carth and I had crash landed on Taris. It was to be expected. If only we had the luxury of time for a vacation.

I felt Mission quietly wrap her arms around me as I wept, and I knew then I would let her stay with me, at least for a while. If I couldn't have Carth with me, I would need someone around to keep me from breaking completely.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_-Carth-_

 

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant**

  
  


I raked my hand through my hair, frustrated. Couldn't they just let us _leave?_ We'd given the damned Jedi all of the information we had about the Star Forge and everything leading up to Revan's disappearance. What more could they want? I had nothing left.

"Commander," Jedi Master Vrook said calmly, though there was a note of irritation in his gravelly voice from my lack of concentration. "Isn't there _anything_ else that you could tell us that would give us any indication of where Jedi Knight Revan might have gone?"

I groaned. "We've been through this – I'm as clueless as you all are. I woke up, and she was gone. She gave no indication that she was planning on leaving. I just had a feeling."

I noticed the edges of Master Vandar's mouth twitch upwards slightly, fighting a smile. That reminded me, hadn't Revan spoken to Vandar after the ceremony? Maybe she told him something. But the other Jedi didn't seem to know that he had even spoken to her. I debated bringing it up, but thought against it. No need to start anything.

But I would try to confront him for myself. He _had_ to know something. But would he tell me anything?

Vrook narrowed his blue eyes. "Commander-"

"Excuse me, Master Vrook," Admiral Forn Dodonna interrupted the older Jedi. "I believe that Commander Onasi has given you every detail at his disposal. With all due respect, there was another matter we asked our heroes here today."

Master Vandar nodded in agreement. "The Admiral is correct, Master Vrook. We have taken up enough of this group's precious time. We must give the floor to the Republic."

Vrook scowled, but nodded his head, resigned. "Very well."

Raising an eyebrow, I watched as Dodonna approached me, a proud smile on her face. "Ordinarily, we do this with a proper ceremony and celebration, but after everything you've been through, I'm sure a party is the last thing you want right now. We can always organize a proper celebration once you've been given the time to relax."

I frowned, confused. "I'm not sure I understand, Admiral."

Her smile grew, and she stood at formal attention, so I did the same. "Due to your courageous efforts throughout the Mandalorian Wars, your dedication and loyalty to the Republic, your heroic acts aboard the Endar Spire to the destruction of the Star Forge. On behalf of the Galactic Republic, it is my esteemed pleasure to grant you, Carth Onasi, the rank of Admiral, should you accept it."

I stared at her, dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. "Uh, I'm honored, but I-I didn't do this for a promotion, Admiral. We had the help of so many...I, uh, don't think I deserve this."

The Admiral looked at me dubiously. "Carth, you've done remarkable things for the Republic, well before you took on this mission for the Star Forge. You've gone above and beyond what most would ever do. You've fought and you've sacrificed much in your time with us. You _do_ deserve this. If, of course, you want it."

I glanced over at my three Jedi companions, looking for some sort of guidance. They were all grinning at me reassuringly.

" _I need you to keep the Republic strong."_

Revan's voice in my head; it was so clear that I nearly turned my head to search the room for her. " _Make it grow. The Republic is going to need all the help it can get and you have the power to do so."_

I had my answer. I would do it. For her. Resolved, I turned back to Dodonna, straightening my shoulders, and saluted her. "I'm honored to accept. Thank you, Admiral."

Grinning, she saluted me back, then reached her hand out to shake mine. "Congratulations, _Admiral_ Onasi. Welcome to the ranks."


	5. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're completely caught up! Hopefully will have the next one out within a week or two :)

 

 

_-Revan-_

**Republic Vessel**

**Dantooine, Temple Ruins**

  
  


I was having a hard time. We had landed on Dantooine approximately one hour ago, but I couldn't force myself to leave the ship. The voices of the dead Jedi and other inhabitants echoing through the Force had instantly given me a migraine. The tortured souls of the dead were screaming so loud that Mission was even affected by it.

Canderous had looked at both of us like we had lost our minds. "The walking carpet and I will go scout around, make sure there's no hostiles roamin' around out there, while you ladies...nap."

Zaalbar growled in acceptance, but shot the Mandalorian a look that said he was less than impressed with his comment.

I nodded, wincing as it caused a sharp pain to shoot through my skull. This whole trip wasn't going according to plan at all. I had to figure out a way to block out the voices, or we weren't going anywhere.

"Why is it," Mission groaned. She was sprawled out on top of the workbench. "that you and I are getting the crap end of the deal here, but Canderous and Big Z. are just fine?"

"It's because of the the dead here," I tried to explain. "When Malak bombed this place, he killed a lot of innocent people – younglings, Padawans, Jedi – Masters. Not to mention all of the civilians. There was a lot of suffering here and I fear what we're experiencing, what we're hearing, are the ones who are still suffering. They haven't become one with the Force."

I could feel her eyes on me, though I couldn't see her. I was currently laying on the cold durasteel floor in the main hold, letting hard steel cool my feverish skin. "But why am I experiencing it, too? I'm not a Jedi."

I thought about it for a moment, then finally decided to tell her. "Because you're Force sensitive, Mish."

"I'm _what?_ " she exclaimed, bolting upright and immediately regretted it. "Okay, ow. None of that."

"We've gotta figure out a way to make this stop or we're never getting off this ship, and I fear that the closer we get to the enclave, the worse it's going to be."

"How am I supposed to do that? I'm no Jedi. Why is this happening _now?_ I thought the Force was present in people from birth? I've never felt anything like this before."

Slowly, I sat up, trying to ignore the nausea that was creeping into my stomach. "Some people come late to the Force. Maybe something on the Star Forge triggered it. My guess is that it's always been working through you; you have survival instincts that are incredible, I'm guessing the Force helped you through your years alone on Taris. Now that's it's manifesting itself, we'll have to make sure you train yourself to use it wisely."

She stared at me, the shocked expression on her face would have been amusing if my head wasn't pounding so badly. "You...you mean I could be a Jedi?"

The wonder and amazement in her voice made me smile. "I can't promise anything. I'm no Master, and right now, I can't focus well enough to try to read how strong it runs through you. There are many who have a flicker of the Force within them, that can strengthen their natural affinity for certain things, but there's just not enough there. Carth, for example. He has a faint attunement to the Force. It helps his piloting, his fighting. That's why he's so good. But it's just a spark. Yours...feels stronger."

Mission nodded. "I understand." she paused, her eyes widening and I could see an idea materialize behind her brown orbs. "Hey, I stashed a bag on this ship when Big Z. and I came on board. I know these are Force ghosts, or whatever, but would neural bands work? 'Cause I brought the two we had."

I closed my eyes. "It's worth a shot. At this point, I'm willing to try anything."

"Wait here, I'm not as bad off as you are. I'll be right back." she stood and headed off towards the cargo hold. She returned a few minutes later, neural bands in hand. She gave one to me before slipping hers on.

"Here's hoping these work."

  
  


* * *

  
  


_-Carth-_

**Coruscant**

  
  


"So, what are your plans now, Jolee?" Bastila asked, taking a sip of her caffa. She, Jolee, Juhani, and I were seated at a small cafe located near the Jedi enclave. My shuttle bound for Telos was leaving in just under two hours. I still had a few last minute errands to run before take off, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to these people.

"No idea," the older man answered. "Don't want to stay here, and sure as hell don't want to return to Kashyyyk." he leaned back in his chair. "Not sure what's left for this old man."

"You know you always have a place in the Order." Juhani assured him. "We need every able body we can get right now."

Jolee smiled, but shook his head. "Nah. The Order and I parted ways a long time ago, I've made my peace with that. It's time for this old man to retire and let you youngsters take the reigns."

I glanced over at him, an idea forming in my head. "You know, you're welcome to join me on Telos. The restoration project is going to need capable people. We could sure use you, if you're up for it. I can set you up with an apartment, and you can use your skills however you'd like."

The old Jedi was silent for several moments, considering. Finally, he nodded. "I think I would like that. Thank you, Carth. I remember what Telos was before the attack, I would be honored to join the restoration project."

I grinned. "Welcome aboard." I glanced over at the women. "You guys are more than welcome as well."

Juhani smiled, but shook her head. "Thank you, but I think I'm going to stay here. Finish my training. I think...I think it would be good for me. I feel like I owe it to Quatra...and to Revan to reach my full potential as a Jedi, to aid them and the Republic."

I nodded, ignoring the clenching in my heart at _her_ name, and turned to Bastila. "What about you, Princess?"

The corners of her lips twitched upwards at my use of her old nickname, and she twisted her cup around in her hands. "I will probably continue my training as well." she looked me in the eye. "I have a feeling Revan will be coming back through here, Carth."

I sighed. "I already thought of that. That's why I'm leaving the Ebon Hawk here in the hanger. I know she won't step foot here until I'm gone, so I'm going to leave the Hawk and HK here for her. I already have the best mechanics applying upgrades and repairs." I rubbed my face in my hands. "I set up an account for her, so...so that she has access to credits. It's all I can do to protect her from here. I have to take care of her somehow."

Bastila smiled sadly. "That's very kind of you, Carth."

I cleared my throat. "I'll leave everything she needs with you, Bastila. Would you mind...?"

"Of course I wouldn't."

I downed the remnants of my caffa. "Thanks," I reached into my bag and handed the datapad, and everything else for Revan and handed it to Bastila. "When...when you see her," I swallowed hard. "just tell her I love her, and I miss her already."

Smiling sadly, she nodded, securing Revan's items in her arms.

Jolee stood, placing a hand on my shoulder and smiled at the women. "It's been a pleasure, ladies. We'll be in touch."

They stood and embraced us both. "Give us contact details when you get to Telos. We'll come help whenever we can." Bastila whispered to me, fighting tears.

Jolee and I nodded, and after saying our final goodbyes, we exited the cafe and headed towards the starport to check on the progress of the Hawk before take off.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_-Revan-_

  
  


**-Dantooine, Jedi Enclave Ruins**

  
  


The neural bands didn't drown out the screams, not completely, but it dampened them enough to get us off the ship and join Zaalbar and Canderous.

It wasn't hard to find them either, standing among the wreckage of what was once the sanctuary for all Jedi. As we neared the entrance, or what used to be the entrance of the enclave, I felt my knees begin to buckle.

Zaalbar caught my arm, supporting my weight before I collapsed onto the ground. [ _Are you alright?_ ]

"Are the voices still getting to you?" Mission asked, concern etched on her face. "I can't really hear anything anymore?"

It wasn't just the voices, but the smell. The stench of death and decay was everywhere. It was all I could do to keep the bile from coming up. "We shouldn't have come here." I choked out.

Ignoring me, Canderous cleared his throat and gestured towards the enclave. "It looks like the south entrance is still mostly intact." Canderous informed us. "We could still get in through the sub-levels if you're willing to risk it. The structure still seems pretty sound. Most of the damage seems to be cosmetic exterior."

"Are there...are there any survivors? Have you seen anyone at all? Mercenaries? Scavengers?" I leaned against Zaalbar, letting him easily support my weight. "Any signs of life anywhere?"

The Mandalorian shrugged hoisting his blaster onto his shoulder. "Not that we've seen, but we've only surveyed the immediate area, just the enclave perimeter."

I nodded, and slowly pulled away from the wookiee, patting his arm reassuringly. It had only been a few months since Malak had given his orders to bomb Dantooine. I doubted the Republic had even had the opportunity to send search and rescue teams to check the extent of the damage with the war going on. They had sent every available unit to the Star Forge. "We need supplies. There _have_ to be survivors somewhere. We need to set up a refugee center."

Mission nodded. "I'll have T3 check our inventory," she said, sending a transmission through her comlink to the astromech. "though I doubt we have much to spare."

"We can always pick up more."

[ _We should probably hold off on issuing out our supplies until we know if there is still life on this planet._ ] Zaalbar pointed out.

"Good point." Mission agreed. "So, are we going in or not?"

We all exchanged glances. Finally, I nodded. "I doubt there will be any power, but if we can get to the archives, maybe we can find something."

"Just keep your eyes open for loose debris, above and below. Watch your step. The structure looks mostly intact, but we don't want the ceiling or the floors caving in on us." Canderous instructed.

The sub-levels were dark, damp, smelling of mildew and decay, and crawling with laigreks. We carefully maneuvered around fallen durasteel beams and fallen statues of great Jedi Masters from long ago. I had expected to be stepping over bodies with familiar faces, but there wasn't a single corpse to be found.

"Where are all of the bodies?" Mission voiced my thoughts aloud. "Would the Jedi have had time to evacuate before the bombing?"

"Vandar got out, I assume others must have as well." It was wishful thinking, I knew. The assault had happened way too fast and with little to no warning. "Someone's been here."

[ _We should stay alert. They may still be here. I cannot smell another sentient, but it reeks too much of death to be sure._ ] Zaalbar growled.

"Agreed."

We searched for another half hour before we finally found the library. I took a deep breath and tried to push the doors open, but they wouldn't budge. Something, or _someone_ , had barricaded the door shut. Closing my eyes, I placed my hand on the large wooden door, trying to sense beyond it. Nothing. Something was off with my connection to the Force. For me to not have sensed Mission aboard the ship, with her being Force sensitive was one thing, understandable. I thought that not sensing Zaalbar was a fluke. But I sensed nothing beyond the door. Not even the room itself. _What is going on?_

"Mission," I ushered her forward. "Here's your first lesson. Place your hand on the door. Clear your mind."

She did as I asked. "Close your eyes, and _feel_ what's on the other side of this door. Take your time. Tell me what you see."

She closed her eyes, and after a few moments, I heard her sharp intake of breath. Her brown eyes flew opened and turned to me. "There's someone in there."

That's when the door flew open and we heard the distinct sound of a lightsaber igniting.

 

* * *

 

_-Carth-_

**Telos**

  
  


"I haven't been here since my wife's funeral."

I hadn't realized I had said the words aloud until I felt Jolee's hand rest supportively on my shoulder. We had just landed at Citadel Station, the first thing the Republic had built after the attack from Karath and the Sith. It had only been in early planning the last time I had been here, so everything was new to me.

"It's gonna take a lot of work," Jolee commented as we stepped off the shuttle. "It's going to take a lot to get this place back to where it should be."

I nodded. "After everything we've just been through, even this is going to seem like a vacation."

The old man grunted in agreement. "So where are we supposed to go for these accommodations? This bladder of mine isn't exactly young anymore, you know. And I don't fancy public refreshers."

I snorted in response. I was just about to suggest we try to find the main office, when a young officer with shaggy blonde hair approached us. "Admiral Onasi," he saluted us. "I'm Lieutenant Keth Rylon of the Telosian Security Force. Admiral Dodonna informed us of your and Jolee Bindo's arrival. It's an honor to have you with us, Sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We appreciate the welcome." I gestured towards Jolee. "This is Jolee Bindo."

Jolee nodded to the young man in acknowledgment.

"It's a pleasure. I've been instructed to accompany you to Residential Module 082. We've set you guys up in a temporary three bedroom apartment until a more permanent housing option comes available."

I nodded. "That will be fine, thank you."

We followed the young officer through the docks to another shuttle station. "You'll find the cantina here in the Entertainment Module. It's not much, but it's something. They get decent bands in there from time to time, keeps everyone's minds off of everything. They're working on getting the swoop track back up and running, but until then there's not much entertainment other than that." he paused and pointed towards another ramp. "You'll also find the TSF office up that ramp if you ever need anything."

"We plan on joining the restoration efforts, so I'm sure we'll be there quite often." Jolee said.

Rylon nodded. "Dodonna told us as much. We greatly appreciate that, we need all the help we can get."

It was a short trip from the Entertainment Module to the Residential area. Rylon informed us of the current status of Telos' surface, which was apparently still pretty much uninhabitable. "We're in negotiations with Peragus," he informed us. "we're in desperate need of a permanent fuel source, but the Republic doesn't have a whole lot of options anymore."

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed. "Understatement of the century."

After a few moments of silence, we reached the residential area. "This is where the government and Republic officials are housed. They're slightly bigger than the civilian apartments and have separate bedrooms, so they are limited." he gave us an apologetic shrug. "I hope you don't mind sharing."

Jolee chuckled. "We just spent an entire year cramped on a Dynamic-class freighter, sonny. This will be luxury to us."

I nodded. "If there are any larger families needing homes, we would gladly take something smaller. We don't need anything fancy."

The Jedi agreed. "We just need a couple of cots and a 'fresher and we're good to go."

Shaking his head, Rylon lowered his voice when we reached the apartment that was designated for the two of us. He unlocked the door and ushered us inside before he spoke again. "You guys are heroes of the Republic. You saved the galaxy. You're going to need your privacy, and you've become pretty popular here. Especially you, Admiral. This is for your safety as much as it for your comfort."

Jolee and I exchanged glances. "Do you have any reason to believe that our safety would be in question, Lieutenant?" I asked.

The young officer shifted uncomfortably. "We've received reports that the Exchange have moved in. Granted, we haven't seen any real evidence as of yet, but everyone knows how they are. We would just rather be safe than sorry." his nervous blue eyes shifting over to Jolee. "Also...there are rumors going around that someone has placed a hefty bounty on all Jedi."

  
  


* * *

  
  


_-Revan-_

**Dantooine, Jedi Enclave Ruins**

  
  


The doors flew open, sending the four of us flying backwards into the wall behind us. Zaalbar caught the brunt of my weight, having been directly behind me, and softened the initial blow I would have taken.

A figure, wielding a crimson lightsaber, stood in the door frame, his stance defensive.

"State your business here! If you're here to loot, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I don't want to hurt you."

Dazed, I pushed myself off of the wookiee, reaching to help him and Mission to their feet. Canderous was already on his feet, rifle targeted on the man behind me.

The man switched his weapon off as I turned to face him, and froze. _That face…_

"I'm sorry," he said, taking a hesitant step forward. "I wasn't trying to hurt you-"

"Could have fooled me," Mission mumbled, brushing dirt from her pants.

"I do apologize for that. I was in here trying to find supplies that – hey, don't I know you?"

I could feel everyone's eyes on me. "You know this guy?" Mission asked doubtfully.

 _He looks so much like_ –

"Yeah you were on Korriban with my Father! Is – is he still with you?"

Canderous finally lowered his weapon, recognition finally hitting him. "Republic's son?"

Dustil Onasi, Carth's long lost son, was looking at me expectantly. I just gaped at him. _Snap out of it, Revan!_ "No, he – they were on their way to Coruscant after I left, though he's probably on his way to Telos by now. Probably looking for you, actually."

He nodded. "I had planned on meeting him there...after Korriban. But...I was still so angry." he sighed. "I came here in hopes of finding the Jedi, to find a master to help me, but when I got here..."

Pain stabbed at my heart and my eyes swiveled to look at the ground as I wrapped my arms around myself. "Malak bombed it right before we found you."

"What's with the red lightsaber?" Mission asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

The Onasi boy looked down at the weapon in his hand. "It's the one I made at the Academy. It and the clothes on my back were all I had when I came here." he gazed over at her. "The color of my blade doesn't define who I am, not anymore."

I smiled. We _had_ gotten through to him. "You said you were looking for supplies?' I asked, clipping my saber back onto my belt. The others followed suit and lowered their own weapons.

Dustil nodded. "I found a few survivors when I got here. Not many. They were hiding in a cave not too far from here, so I helped move them to some abandoned home. Thought it would be safer for them."

"The old Matale estate? Are they among the survivors?" I asked, dread filling my stomach. "Shen? Rahasia Sandral?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, those names are not familiar. The place was completely abandoned when I got there. I've only come across a dozen or so survivors, though I don't know everyone's name yet. But I was hoping to find supplies here to help them out."

I nodded. "That's very kind of you, Dustil. I appreciate it. We'll spare what we can, and send any extra we find along the way."

"So, did you remove all of the bodies? We assumed this place would be a graveyard," Mission asked bluntly. "The smell...it's pretty intense."

The reminder brought the stench back to the forefront of my mind, causing my stomach to lurch. The shock of finding Dustil had temporarily distracted me, but now…

"There were tons of bodies," Dustil admitted sadly. "I removed the ones I found and held a pyre. That's probably what you're smelling. I just burned them yesterday. There were so many. Men, women...children. It was like walking the surface of Telos again."

That did it. The migraine...on top of the horrible smell was all too much. My stomach couldn't take it any more. Clutching my hand over my mouth, I raced from the room in time for my stomach to empty itself onto the floor.


End file.
